Monday, December 10, 2007

Conspiracies and the next President of the United States

Rory has just opened my eyes to a terrible conspiracy! Yes it's true, there is a government conspiracy regarding the twenty dollar bill. I wasted no time in trying to help people.

I can help you!

Your twenties are no longer safe! You must get rid of them now! Can you burn them? No. There's a secret sensor inside them that can detect when you're trying to destroy them. You'll have SWAT teams bashing in your windows before you've even got the fire going. Don't burn them! Your only option is to...


Yes, that's the only way you can be sure. Send all of your twenties to me, for I've unlocked the secret of how to disable the sensor and can safely destroy your twenties. I would post the information here, but that would alert the PRIVACYINVADER 3000 server and then I'd have the SWAT teams bashing in my windows. You have to send them to me now, it's the only way!

On a related note: I've been running a little experiment. I took a dollar bill from around the beginning of the current administration. Here it is before:


Last week I checked on it to see how it was doing, and here's what I found:


That's right, people: It shrank. Check for yourself: Go to your local gas station and put $5 of gas in your car. See how far it gets you. How far did it get you eight years ago?

You're probably thinking "It's the Republicans!" but you're wrong. A Democrat won't fix this either. There's only one answer to what's ailing this country. There's only one way to put our country back on the right path.

It's not another Bush.

It's not another Clinton.

It's not any of the D.C. regulars who want you to believe they're different. They're not. You could vote for them, but the definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing and expecting a different result. We keep voting for the same people (note: 20 years of Bushes and Clintons) and things never change. It's time for real change.

This election, my vote goes to Henry Rollins.

Vote for Henry Rollins. Tell your friends to vote for Henry! Tell your mom! Get everybody you can to vote Rollins next fall! He needs your support!

This message was not paid for nor endorsed by Henry Rollins.

I'm The Cowboy and I approve this message.

No comments:

Post a Comment