Sunday, October 7, 2007

Geeks are easy

If you're an insanely hot woman and you have a good friend who's a total geek but a nice guy all the same and he's generally a pretty good friend, here's a piece of advice: Don't give him a kiss, ever.  You can guess where this is going, I'm sure.  Intellectually I know I was just being a good friend and helping out, and I know that it was friendly and meant nothing, but let's be honest:  that's the best action I've had in years. 

Okay okay, hold on: it was a cheek kiss, don't freak out.  It was completely friendly and harmless, but that didn't stop me from dwelling on it for the rest of the day.  I'm pathetic like that.

You have to understand, geeks are a special breed.  We're lonely and not really built for it.  We're also all horny as hell.  And we're easy.  Let's say you're a reasonably attractive woman and are looking for a date.  Find yourself a geek.  There's not a geek out there who's single that will turn you down.  Even the married/dating ones will have a hard time saying no.  Geeks dwell on that sort of stuff because we were all repressed in high school.  We didn't get the kind of action the football players were getting, or really any at all.  And while our IQ might have dwarfed the average football player's, that didn't exactly help us score with the chicks. 

Geek: "Hi, I'm George."

Hot Chick: "What the hell?  Where did that come from?"

Geek: "Did you know that time is relative to your velocity?  Like if you traveled at light speed around the galaxy then came back everybody would be old but you'd still be young?  snort snort!"

Hot Chick: "Oh my god, it's speaking to me.  I'm gonna squish it with my high heels.  Ew!"

Geek: "Would you like to go to the homecoming dance with me?"

Hot Chick: "Sure... in fact, why don't you go under the bleachers over there, take off all your clothes and wait for me.  You won't be sorry (wink)".

Geek: "snort.  Oh oh oh oh, okay. "  [runs off to the bleachers]

Hot Chick [to Hot Chick's mediocre friend]: "Get the football team to the bleachers, now.  And bring a video camera."

This kind of repression carries with us into adulthood.  Do you really think the former High School football players came up with this?

No, they're selling ladies shoes at the mall.  Or even worse, politicians.  This was made by geeks with a lot of spare time.  Geeks invented the Internet (no, it wasn't Al Gore) because, well, we were smart and weren't wasting all of that time dating Hot Chicks.  I mean, if geeks were hot there wouldn't even be an Internet, would there? 

Anyway, there's nothing to worry about.  I've never cheated on my wife.  Being a geek my fidelity doesn't exactly get tested much, though.  Still, I had to blog about it because it was on my mind. 


  1. Then there're are geeks who obsess over one girl forever and ever amen.

    And won't touch anyone else. Not even with a ten foot pole.

  2. That's a good thing, given that she feels the same way. If she doesn't.... well... hm.

    Still, I've got to respect that kind of dedication. No matter where else life takes me, there was always that girl, the one you never forget. Knowwhadimean?

  3. I feel your pain, man. Been there. If you're where I think you are, then saying things like "You might want to consider moving on" will have 0 effect, so I won't bother.

    It never completely goes away, but it does heal a bit. Hang in there.