I hate labels. I hate labeling myself, but it’s usually the easiest way for people to get pretty close to my views, so for the sake of argument, we’ll call me a liberal atheist. This is, for all practical purposes, my current location on a long road I started down about ten years ago. I doubt this journey is done yet. The truth is, I’m pretty sure I’ve always been this way, I just didn’t admit it to myself for a long time. Being liberal or atheist is somewhat of a frowned upon thing here in the middle of Jesus central.
So it’s a little lonely out here. My wife is a bit of an over-zealous Christian (it’s the source of most of my daily drama), all my friends, most of whom are smart people, deny the fact of evolution, worship a non-existent god, and vote Republican.
After years of denying who I really am, I did a lot of soul searching over the past 2-3 years, and finally just admitted it.
Now I don’t seem to have a lot of friends. Just today, the one friend who seemed to more or less share my views told me that she found Jesus. In fairness, she’s had some rather harsh personal problems lately, and skepticism doesn’t offer much in the way of comfort during times of emotional distress.
I suppose if the opposite were true, if I were a Christian in a land of Atheists, I could spend this time pretending God was here with me and telling him all my problems. I suppose I could just construct an invisible friend too.
So I started wondering, when somebody realizes they’re gay, they probably have a hard time finding someone to share this with. Parents and friends aren’t usually very receptive to that kind of news. It’s probably pretty lonely. I find it hard to believe that anybody chooses to be gay. Seriously, who would consciously choose the pain that comes along with it? The only choice is the one to stop lying to yourself and be honest about who you are.
That’s what I did. Yea me! The rewards of being true to myself are a little underwhelming. Thanks for listening, my five or so readers. I appreciate the sympathetic ear.