Saturday, August 23, 2008

The Top 5 things about being a non-smoker that suck

I've had a few ideas for posts that ran along the lines of top 10 lists, however, I couldn't come up with 10 for all of them, so we'll go with 5.

The Top 5 things about being a non-smoker that suck

Oh, that's right.  I may have forgotten to mention that to you guys, I used to smoke.  In fact, I smoked for a -very long time.  As I moved to Minnesota, decided that it seemed as good a time as any to quit.  That was fuckin' brilliant.  On the other hand, I've made it some 10 weeks now with only a few cheats.  Oh, and by the way

I WANT TO FUCKIN' KILL SOMEBODY!!!!I could really use a smoke

Perhaps I should start with Tobacco Executives.

It's not easy.  However, as my body goes through the rather painful detoxification process from some twenty odd years of injecting myself with some of the worst poisons known to man, I've noticed a what the surgeon general should be putting on cigarettesfew side effects that suck.

1. Everything stinks.  When I was smoking, I had a diminished sense of smell.  Before I started smoking I had a rather strong sense of smell.  Now that I've quit, the sense of smell is starting to return, and it sucks.  Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING stinks.  Especially my apartment building.  And it's not just one stink, oh no.   That would be too easy, I could get used to it.  No there's one -bad smell in the garage, another bad smell in the lobby (made worse by the fact that they're painting this week), yet another god awful smell in the elevator that smells a lot like people that don't bathe, and just for good measure, a horrid death-like stench in the hallway outside my apartment.  Probably from the guy hanging leaves over his fucking door. 

2. I'm hungry all the damn time.  And I'm gaining weight like crazy.    Last night I ate an entire box of Honey Nut Cheerios.  Not one of them ever saw milk.  Nicotine is an appetite suppressant.  Guess what happens when you go off your appetite suppressant you've been on for twenty years?

3. I'm sleepy all the damn time.  I suppose spending 20 years on a stimulant might tend to cause you to develop a certain tolerance to it.  During the day I can't stay awake, and at night I can't sleep (note the time this was posted). 

4. Stress.  Cigarettes are a coping mechanism, and Nicotine reduces stress.  Today is my first day off the patch, and I'm feeling some heightened stress.

5. I've got nothing to do after meals.  I have to say, that There are certain health risks...was my favorite cigarette, the one that came after meals.  When I've just eaten, that's when it's the hardest.

I don't know how tobacco companies managed to come up with such an insidious product.  Even more surprising is how they seem quite sincere when stating that it isn't addictive or dangerous.  I've heard cigarette addiction compared to heroin addiction.  I can't attest to how hard it is to quit heroin, but this is by far the hardest thing I've ever done.  Now I've got struggling with this for the rest of my life to deal with, because you never get over it.  I'm still waiting for that magic payoff when I magically feel better and enjoy the smell of everything around me.  Still waiting....


  1. Well I'm proud of you cowboy. Quitting smoking is not easy...I've done it.

    I think you'll find that the hardest craving to overcome is the one that comes with drinking a beer at the bar. I know: I smoked last Wednesday at my leaving my last job party. And it wasn't just one.

    Unfortunately, this time I did not wake up sick from the cigarettes. The last time I cheated I woke up with nicotine poisoning which put me right off them. In both cases though, the next few days are agitating. And hunger!! Oh god the hunger. From past experience, it lasts at least a week. 4 more days to go of engorged abdomen and then weeks of exercise to get the weight gain back off.

    Oh crap!!! This was supposed to be a motivational, good job, post.

    Yes it is tough, but you can do it. Start walking when the food cravings hit and stay out of bars for a while and you'll make it.

  2. Yeah, that did fall slightly short of inspirational. There's not much to say anyway, for some reason it pisses me off every time somebody congratulates me on this. I'm sure there's some deep rooted psychological reason for it, but fuck if I know why.

    The experience is surprisingly similar to leaving the cult. There's no happy pay off, just crap , crap and more crap as you recover. All you have to look forward to is shit, but you do it anyway because it's better somehow.

    Yea me!

  3. So... it'll piss you off if I say congrats? Okay. I'll just say 'call this man a waah-bulance' instead. ;) Just kidding.

    I'm proud of anyone that greatly inconveniences themselves for the purpose of self betterment. So, great job there, tao-co.

    For another unhelpful line I'm sure you've heard: I hear that gum helps. ;)

  4. "So... it'll piss you off if I say congrats?"
    If I were a psychologist, I could probably tell you why.

    "I'll just say 'call this man a waah-bulance' instead. ;)"
    That sounds surprisingly like something I would say :D

    I've had some extreme temptations to break down and go grab a cigarette, but one thing keeps stopping me: I never want to go through this again. If I have one... just one... it will start all over.

    Even though the support pisses me off, I do appreciate it, as weird as that sounds.