You don’t call, you don’t write…

I’ll be honest, I’m just too fucking tired to write anything meaningful lately. Not that I ever write anything meaningful. There’s a ton of shit going on in my life and a handful of good things. Actually, I think the specification of “handful” would be 3. I’m broke, I’m tired, I’m sad, I’m in pain, I’m a little broken, a smidge jealous, and Trevor, my inner monkey, is acting up a lot lately. And there’s something about Mormons that drives me absolutely fucknuts. Don’t ask, I don’t really understand it myself.

But it’s late, my laundry is finally done, I’ve had about 2 too many beers, and I’m neurotic that I’ll screw up the only thing going right in my life.

If I don’t make it back here before Monday, Happy Halloween everybody.

Dear ex,

Suck it, bitch!

Because I Can

Fuckin bitch fuckin goddamn how the fuckin fuck fuck what? Seriously, what? FUCK! I mean, what the fuck? Seriously. Did I really fuckin FUCK! I really did not fuckin realize how fucking sick fucking humans could fucking be. I mean, FUCK! I fucking married that? FUCK! What the fuck was I fucking thinking? I’m fucking sick! That’s fucking sick. Fuckin’ seriously. I mean, who the fuck fuckin’ stays married to a fucking fuck like that for fucking HOW many fuckin’ years? Fuck. Fuck Fuck Fuck.

It’s like a parasite that you can’t remove. That’s it’s name now. The fuckin’ parasite. What a waste of oxygen.

Aw fuck.

End rant.

I saw the moon tonight…

Full moons always make me thoughtful
And sometimes just a little sad
I’m usually not sure why

I feel like I’m looking for something I’ll never find
Like a decades long game of cat and mouse
Maybe that’s all that life is

It was a little more comforting when I thought life was magic
Like a storybook. Climax, denouement, happy ending
But even then, there were no happy endings

It’s a daily struggle to make sense of so much crap
Sometimes you see things as you want them to be
But they’re not

I’m not very good at being alone
Life is better with a friend at your side
Shuffling through the crap with you

I’m not very good at being alone
Though I’ve had a lot of practice
It didn’t help

I don’t always feel happy with who I am
Like my life’s journey got derailed way back there
I ended up in Beijing when I was headed for Stuttgart

But there’s no train back
I’ll have to walk
It’s a long walk

Maybe I’ll make a friend along the way
Maybe a lifelong companion
Maybe just a passing ship

Sometimes I walk in a zigzag
Life keeps putting curves in the road
But I just keep walking

No matter how much it hurts

Spank your monkey

A “new” video from philhellenes I hadn’t seen yet. I say “new” because it’s new to me. It’s quite insightful, and goes a long way towards explaining me.

Where the effin’ eff has effin’ Cowboy effin’ been? What the eff, effer?

I’ve fallen a little behind, but just in case anybody was wondering, I’ve started something like six blog posts, all of which are unfinished. Each one is a potential gem of poetic wisdom that, once spread in the wild, will surely unite mankind in peace, love and harmony, end war, feed the starving, and usher in the dawn of a new era of rationality and caring.

The problem, of course, is that due to various influences in my life, I’ve been simultaneously depressed, ecstatic, exhausted, invigorated, angry, happy, and confused.

No, I’m not going to explain that.

Hey, as awesome as I am, I’m just one guy. Stay tuned, the stream of consciousness wisdom you’ve come to count on as guidance in your daily life will soon resume.