All this time, I can't believe how stupid I've been. I thought I had a basic understanding of the Theory of Evolution, but finally, at last, I've been freed from my delusions by the smartest of the smart, the wisest of the wise.
You see it's quite simple. Darwin was just mad at God, he had no scientific grounding for his theory. Thousands of us idiots just simply bought it without question, not even once considering that when certain animals like, say, a dog spontaneously sprang up from the primordial goo, they would have simply died out had not a female dog also spontaneously sprang up fully formed and fully evolved at the same exact moment from the primordial goo. What are the odds on that, eh?
Why, it's so simple now! How could I have been so blind?
Enjoy the latest thing to spontaneously induce a migraine in my primordial head. Warning, take the aspirin first.